What’s All This Talk About Mental Health?

Yes, what is all this talk about mental health? A question I expect some of us might be asking at the moment. Why are we talking about mental health now more than we have ever done before?

Are the stressors of the present times becoming resistant to healthy resolutions or have we become less resilient in our ability and capacity, to take and tolerate life’s adversity and thrive despite them? Is it possible that the extensions of information, science and technology in unravelling some of life’s most confounding mysteries, are revealing some of its most complex meanings of our human conditions? Can it be that we are becoming more aware of the lengths and limitations of our knowledge of the human mind, the spectrum of emotions we experience that defy time and space, the layers of connections in, with, between our self-states, our interpersonal relationships, the intersections and integrations of our diverse socio-cultural identities?

We can reflect on these and more reasons, start and continue the research, and reach conclusions in various fields of study. However, as we explore and examine some of these propositions, we want to unpack a key concept in the thoughts and talks about mental health – the concept of resilience.

The noun resilience stems from the Latin word ‘resiliens’ which means to “to rebound, recoil.” The word ‘resilience’ is similar in meaning to words like elasticity, plasticity, flexibility, pliability, they all describe qualities and abilities of absorption, adaptation, expansion and accommodation. Resilience however as a construct, encompasses all these meanings and more.

Resilience is generally defined as the ability to bounce back, recover from adversity, trauma, tragedy, to face hardship and have the capacity to endure, overcome and achieve one’s goals despite them. Resilience is a core skill and strength that draws from resources in every part of our human dimension; physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and social selves. Resilience is about the power of mind, as much as of physical might, it is heart fed, soul led, and hands held.

There are differences of theories among researchers across various fields of knowledge and practices that propose that resilience is a function of nature; how a person is genetically wired, which makes them able to cope with life’s pains, sometimes, nurture; the environment they are in and what they are subjected to, in, through various experiences of life.

While this piece is not intended as an academic one, I use the validity of both propositions to inform some of my own position. Findings from ongoing research, personal and professional experience, ongoing experiments and anecdotal accounts show resilience as an inherent trait as well as an acquired one.

Let me attempt to simplify some of the complexity of the concept of resilience with this often-tendered analogy between the potato and the egg, which is also used as metaphor for a person’s ability and capacity for resilience. By their nature, the potato is hard and able to take hard knocks, hits and or falls, while the egg is fragile, cracks and is easily broken at the slightest pressure on it.

However, each object takes the form of the other when they are both put into hot water, put into the same environment. As the water boils, the potato softens, while the egg hardens thus making the point that some people are created with the ability to cope with adversity and hardship, while some others are not, and as a result may struggle and or suffer more, and may need more support.

This is true, however the more I reflected on this and unpacked the possible meanings this powerful analogy presents, the more I realize there is so much more to explore as possibilities and indeed consider as more empowering perspectives to our individual and collective capacity for resilience.

I believe each object shows resilience by adapting to the environment it is placed in, and like every one of us, we all have the ability to adapt to our situation and or environment, albeit some more than others.

I see that the potato and egg respond respectively with each one’s form of resilience to the ‘pains’ and ‘adversity’ in, of its environment – the boiling water.  Like us, we all have nature and qualities that enable us respond to situations in our life in different ways.

A Nigerian proverb says. the same sun that melts wax, hardens the clay; again another metaphor of capacity to respond differently to the same circumstance.  It therefore becomes a question of knowing who are and what we have to use, to face, fight, fall and get back up, to be fortified by and or to forge on with, through life’s challenges, conflicts and changes.

I am exploring the idea that context, circumstances and cultural considerations are central to any measure of a person or group’s resilience, and that any form of enabling and or empowering resilience cannot be universal and or determined on, by unicentric worldviews and models.

Resilience can look different or unfamiliar to us, to our ways of life, and our lived, living experiences, yet have similar outcomes for the psychological states, physical, mental, social, overall health and wellbeing of the individual and or group, performance and productivity, either in line with what they have always done, known to do or have the potential to do even more of.

In past months, over the year for some parts, the world has been experiencing what many have called some of the most extraordinary times in known history, whereby every aspect of life is significantly, exponentially impacted, sometimes completely changed by the global pandemic. Loss is a scourge of monumental proportions,  uncertainties immeasurable, effects on humanity, the world, far reaching and long-lasting.

Dr Steve Maraboli, speaker, bestselling author, and behavioural scientist takes us back to the questions I pose at the beginning of my reflection and discussions with his succinct response, “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”

How do we do it? What can help us become stronger, endure for longer, manage and be more resilient to adversity, to the troubles and trials we experience? How do we grow, build our resilience muscle to give us the much-needed force and motion in, for our life?

Here is my 6PRP – 6 Point Resilience Practice

Awareness

How you think and feel about your situation

Acknowledge the situation for what it is

Notice and name your thoughts and emotions

Keep it real – Do not deny and or dismiss, dial down on the ‘positivity affirmations’/silver linings sightings, when it is pitch dark and you can’t hear a thing except the sounds of your pain.

Regulation: How you react and respond

Practice the pause. – Responding instead of reacting. Reacting is almost always automatic, impulsive actions, often learned behaviours that can be followed by guilt, shame, damage, escalation of the situation. Responding is more deliberate, conscious choices that come more from a sense of control.

Manage your expectations – Scale to size, open up to make space, close up to save space and you can change your mind.

Language: How you speak about it

Change the language – Change your Self-Talk, the way you talk about it. Do not use absolutes and conclusive language, like saying, “This is impossible.” “I am going to lose my mind.” “I am no good.” “I am a failure.” “I can’t do this.” “I can’t cope.” Just because your mind says so, does not mean they are facts.

You can say instead, “This feels impossible.” “I am struggling with this.” “Let me try. If I cannot do it, I will get help. If there is no help around, I’ll do what works.” “I am not happy about it but let me see if I can think of something to do about it.”

Resources

Personal resources and support network you have within and around you

Remind yourself of something you have done, strategies, skills, tools you have used; what worked, what did not? Learn about some of your personal qualities, knowledge and life experiences

Find and know your support network, lean on them, ask for help if you have to

Mindfulness

Some practices help and heal

Be present – Be aware of your thoughts and talks as earlier mentioned. Try not to avoid, learn to sit with some of the discomfort.

Breathe – Practice breathing exercises to help settle and regulate your emotions

Visualize – See ‘you’ not just the problem or pain. See ‘you’ as coping, capable, competent to help yourself and or get help if you need to.

Have empathy and compassion for yourself – Be kind, give yourself permission to be human.

Faith

There is a Power that powers and empowers

Find power in, from God’s Power. “The example of a believer is that of a fresh green plant the leaves of which move in whatever direction the wind forces them to move and when the wind becomes still, it stands straight. Such is the similitude of the believer: He is disturbed by calamities but is like the fresh plant he regains his normal state soon.” – Prophet Muhammed (PBUH)

My belief in my Lord is central to my sense self and of wellness in every area of my life. I am Muslim and Islam as my faith provides me with some resources to develop resilience as a core muscle for carrying the weights of life and climbing the mountains that stand in our way as we go through life. Who best to go to, to be powered and empowered to go through life, if not the Creator of my life?

You do not have to share my faith or be a ‘believer’ to find faith. Have faith in a ‘Higher Power’ that can keep you together, keep you going especially those times it feels like you cannot continue.

Finally, I finish with Reinhold Niebuhr’s well known Serenity Prayer, “God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

And I leave you with some my Resilience Affirmations. I hope they bring you succour and strength.

Breathe, beautiful one, even as your breath keeps count of its struggles and suffering, breathe, for you are loved with more breaths than you can count with the prayers of sweet and special souls, some strangers you’ve never, may never meet.

Deep breaths dear one, that’s right, draw blessed breath into all the places that hurt, draw in deeply the air of mercy, love, clarity, change, strength, hope, healing, health, forgiveness, faith.

Breathe…your life needs you…to breath…breathe dear one…breathe and be well.