Bedtime Basics For Every Parent

Several years back, my sister’s son was an adorable but rather energetic two year-old. A typical day with him meant one hair raising, cheeky or jaw-dropping mischief after the other. By night time five adults; his grandma, mother, uncle, the maid and I quite literarily drooped while he kept going. He would run, jump, hide and redecorate the house to his taste (if you like the upturned chairs and bunched up curtains variety). He would do a spot of painting with his food and other very imaginative play with whatever caught his attention that moment. If he participated in a reality TV show for monster two year-olds, he would win hands down, we would become rich celebrities fighting off fact or fibbed scandals on the ‘tubes’, the ‘books’ and the new bird language media!

On this night as usual we watched him run up and down the corridor non-stop each person nursing not-very-loving thoughts. After a while we noticed him holding open his eyelids staggering around as though dizzy then fell on a sofa and lay still! We rushed to him alarmed and couldn’t believe our eyes at what we saw. He had passed out like a light! Apparently that strange eye-lid-opening dance my two year old nephew did was an attempt to stop his eyes from succumbing to sleep! That was the beginning of a battle the little man fought valiantly for several nights but always lost after the ‘stagger dance’! He soon learnt that sleep is one of the most powerful forces of nature you simply cannot defy, even if you were a two year old superman-wanna-be!

After more than fifty years of intensive and on-going research on the science of sleep, this phenomenon remains a mystery that continues to confound and captivate scientists across the decades. Although humans spend one-third of their lives sleeping, why, how it came about and what sleep is for and its various aspects are not exactly clear. What research has revealed however about sleep are some of the variations of sleep requirements for living creatures and its profound effects especially on the human body. Sleep regenerates tissues, restores energy, normalizes hormonal levels and nourishes the body. When sleep is disrupted or altered, the physical, mental and emotional health is so profoundly affected that virtually every part of the body can be potentially harmed. When this happens over a prolonged period, it may even shorten a person’s life expectancy.

For children the effects of good, bad or a lack of sleep can be huge, affecting positively or negatively health, brain function, physical growth and activity, social behavior and interactions, cognitive as well as overall development. Growth hormone is released when babies and toddlers sleep, allowing them to grow in their sleep and since they have a lot of growing to do, they need all the sleep they can get. Studies have linked childhood sleep loss to fatigue and bad moods. Impaired attentiveness, impaired ability to retain new memories, impaired immune system, greater emotionality, increased feelings of hunger which may lead to overeating are some other possible effects of lack of enough sleep.

The amount of sleep needed varies throughout the human life cycle. Some people may require only about seven hours of sleep without feeling deprived. Some others however start to function effectively, avoiding problem sleepiness after about nine or more hours. For newborns about 16-18 hours of sleep is required to allow the phenomenal cellular growth levels taking place to occur proportional. They require much more sleep than the elderly, whose physiological cellular regeneration rates have reduced to a maintenance minimum.

Children in preschool need about 10-12 hours a day while school aged children and adolescents need at least nine hours of sleep at night. Teenagers require more sleep than a young adult as they are going through a growth rate surge. The hormonal influences of puberty appear to affect the adolescents’ biological clocks. This need is often misinterpreted for laziness as the teenagers tend to go to bed earlier and feel a need to wake up late. This information remains inconclusive as other facts and figures continue to emerge on the sleep requirement of a child for optimal growth as these may be highly individualized.

Sleep habits, places, and postures vary greatly. Researching this article unearthed some amazing facts about how some other living organisms sleep or rest. Some sleep primarily at night like humans, while others sleep mostly during the day like rats. Moles and rabbits sleep in burrows, zebras in the open, cattle can sleep with their eyes open while seals and hippopotami spend part of their sleep under water. The bat sleeps hanging upside down, while horses spend the major portion of every 24-hour period standing asleep.

Across the world people sleep in many different ways. Some people sleep inside, some outside, some in beds, others in hammocks or on mats on the floor. Some people sleep alone, with a spouse or children or both. Some people sleep only at night, others value a nap during the day. How, when, and where people choose to sleep has a lot to do with their culture, traditions, and customs. This can include where they live, how their family sleeps, or the social, economic status or belief system and values of that family.

To ensure that a child gets the maximum benefit of sleep, it is necessary to develop a sleep culture that may consist of certain basic universal practices as well as traditional routine peculiar to different parts of the world. This culture must be developed and practiced consistently from infancy to adolescent and adjusted appropriately as the age, temperament, needs, circumstances and environment of the child changes through development.

After all the impressive information and seeming authoritative facts proffered by scientists all it comes down to is getting to know your child or children and their individual needs. It is about using these information to develop a rhythm and pattern that works for you as a family.

Here is an appetizing buffet of sleep tips and cultural practices from various scientific research findings and traditional practices from different parts of the world. So grab a plate and let your senses do the rest!

Develop a sleep diary; this can be used for both parent and child(ren). Using sleep charts as a guide on what is considered normal, observe your child(ren)’s individualized sleep requirements, how they feel and perform. This involves noting the time the child(ren) go to bed, the approximate time it takes for them to fall asleep, and the time they awaken in the morning. It also involves keeping track of how sleepy they may feel during the day. So in effect, something is not quite right if the child feels sleepy at the wrong time of day (e.g., after waking in the morning); have trouble paying attention during the day; fall asleep very quickly given the chance or on the other hand, gets excitable at the wrong time of the day, say just before bedtime. If a child is easily frustrated and quickly irritated or has trouble keeping his impulses in check, this could also be an indication of a sleep requirement or adjustment to need.

Create a proper sleep environment, with cool calm colors and a quiet and peaceful atmosphere in the room. Avoid artificial lighting but may put night light as required. Avoid television, computers in the room or getting the children stimulated through these before bedtime.

Ensure an early dinner and give enough time for the meal to digest at least an hour before sleep time.

Develop a regular bedtime within a range as well as a culture before bedtime, like winding down in preparation for sleep. For babies, actions like rocking, cuddling, swaddling, warm bath or other acts of sleep hygiene taught to the baby to fall and stay asleep can help one baby or hype another. Babies taught to sleep with dummies, bottles or breast milk often use these to sleep. However infants with teeth may develop tooth decay as a result of milk left on teeth overnight which cultures germs that cause tooth decay.

For older children, bathing, changing into night clothes, using the bathroom, brushing their teeth etc, helps to prepare them for bed. Sometimes a parent may feel like the enemy trying to ensure a basic routine for bedtime is followed. However the more it is followed the easier it gets over time. Trust me; I have seen some ‘red’ moments where I almost felt horns forcing their way out of my head, my words becoming an unrecognizable language trying to explain to my children why they had to go to bed at the usual time when it was a Friday! Alhamdulillah, here I am still in one piece despite the many laser shots I have received from three sets of unhappy eyes on some days. But I have kept with it mashaAllaah, allowing a little flexibility in extending their sleep time on the weekend by some minutes.

Cultivate a special time for some close quiet interaction with the children, like reading Quran together, quiet singing, reading bedtime stories, making Dua etc. Sometimes it is also good to let them go to bed by a certain time and then allow them to read books until its lights out. This is especially good for older children who value a little time to themselves before you go in to look in on them and or put off the light.

Some children depending on the age cannot go to bed without their comfort toys, like a favorite toy or blanket, their thumbs or other fingers or the warmth of a body, often times, mum’s. Even older children try as they might hide it find bedtime a period of vulnerability which finds them clutching a dog-eared toy or a soft pillow. For me though I feel better not letting a child become too dependent on any thing, or even use at sleep time especially inanimate objects that imitate living things. This is in view of what the Prophet (saw) said about angels not coming into a home where there are pictures of living things. Objects with these features are said to be in the same category. But that’s just me.

Closely related to this is teaching your children how to call on Allaah to send His ‘guards’ to protect us for the night. This is done following the guided words and actions of the Prophet (saw) in preparing for bed. This routine starts with dusting the bed seeking refuge in Allaah from Shaytan which according to a Hadeeth of the Prophet (saw) chases away any Jinns that may have been on the bed. After settling into bed, reading the stories and so on, the last thing children should be encouraged to do is to recite one of the Duas for sleep, the verses of the Throne Ayat-tul-Kursi, Surah-tul-ikhlas, Falaq and Nas.

Co-sleeping is one major consideration in developing a bedtime routine or culture in your home. More facts have continued to emerge on the benefits of co-sleeping with a child as opposed to the belief largely found in the West that this practice was a negative. More parents value the closeness it promotes and actively encourage this in their family. However the Prophet (saw) commanded that boys and girls should be given separate beds from the age of ten.  My four year old comes into our bed almost every night despite the fanfare that went with getting him his own bed. He comes in the night and tells me ‘to move over Mama’ in a matter of fact voice and then proceeds to claim his spot often times in the middle too! We know the end is soon, creative alternatives or not, three can be a crowd…if you catch my drift!

Some other sleep practices that cut across cultures across the world range from carrying a baby on the back, across or in front of the chest as women in African and Asian countries do with variations in style and name to rocking the child in a special sling with the feet like Eritherean women to swaddling the child in a special hammock hung from the ceiling and made to bounce gently up and down like some Malaysians.

There is no ‘one size fits all’ solution no matter what the books or numerous programmes tell you, it is at the end of the day work in progress within a framework. Whatever works for you should be based on what appeals to you backed by informed choices.

This article is an Oldie Goodie, it was written for publication for a magazine in 2010.